Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.  You know, that greeting card holiday where we tell everyone how much we love them.  Years ago, when I was dating my husband, it was a special occasion.  We would go out, do romantic things, enjoy each other.  Now?  Now we’re busy wiping butts and noses, making dinner, and doing laundry to even notice Valentine’s Day.

Now if you’re smart, you see the issue here. Parenting is hard, it’s even harder when you and your spouse aren’t getting some time to connect.  I can always tell when my marriage isn’t getting enough time.  My husband and I get short with each other, we get frustrated easily, we’re short with the kids. We need some time to reconnect and focus on each other, it helps us be a better team.

For many of us, being mom means having kids hanging on you all day long.  So the last thing you want is to have someone ELSE hanging on you after they’re in bed.  I like to take some time for me, and then I can focus on my husband.  If I don’t have some quiet, alone time, I’m worthless.  There are also ways to help enhance your mood.  Light some candles, put on some cute lingerie, or put on some music.

For some, after bed time is just not a feasible time to spend time with your partner.  Hiring a sitter and heading out for a few hours at a time that works for you can be a great way to spend some time with each other. The priority is taking a little time to reconnect.

I’m always a fan of wearing something that makes you feel good when you’re spending time with your partner.  Whether that means investing in a cute nursing bra, or wearing a shirt that makes you feel pretty, or maybe it’s a hot pair of shoes, feeling good is important, and feeling like you look good can help you relax and reconnect with your partner. And let’s face it.  Motherhood is hard, we need our partners to stand beside us, and we need to stay united to make it all work well.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ll be giving away one set of lingerie (maternity or nursing) to a lucky lady.  Let us know what you do to stay connected to your partner in the comments, and be sure to check out the PassionSpice line and add a little spice to your Valentine’s Day!  I’ll choose a winner on 2/01/12.

I have heard about poor moms who are able to feed their babies formula thanks to WIC, and also how WIC doesn’t provide 100% of the formula a baby needs.  It’s meant to be a supplement to the food mom provides.  Unfortunately for so many moms on WIC, spending $20+ for a can of formula just isn’t an option.  So moms have gotten creative.  How can I stretch my formula?  I can water it down, or I can feed them less often!  Here’s the problem.  Babies need calories to grow and thrive.  And when moms are diluting the baby formula, or not feeding the babies as often as they need to eat, those babies aren’t getting enough calories.

We know that Nestle goes into countries and uses predatory tactics such as encouraging moms to formula feed their babies, and then they increase the price on formula so that moms can’t afford to feed their babies properly.  This mostly happens in 3rd world countries, but this recent MSNBC article is brining to light the issues with our WIC programs and the practice of stretching formula for babies.  Now we’re realizing this practice is not just killing babies in 3rd world countries, but it’s hurting babies here in America too.

Here’s a quote from that MSNBC article:

The study found that 30 percent of parents who brought their infants to an inner city children’s clinic didn’t have enough food to make it through each month. And a full 15 percent, or about 1 in 8, made ends meet by watering down their babies’ formula or by feeding less frequently, according to the study which was published in Clinical Pediatrics

For so many moms, the thought of going to the store and spending $20 on formula for their baby isn’t really a big deal.  Unfortunately for many moms it’s a HUGE burden.  One they sometimes can’t bear.  Can you imagine?  Trying to stretch your baby’s formula or listen to them cry, knowing they’re hungry and there is not a thing you can do about it.

So what’s the answer?  My first suggestion is to help these moms breastfeed.  Why are these moms choosing formula?  Is it because of societal pressure?  Because they have lived in poverty their whole lives and they know that WIC will just give them formula so why bother breastfeeding?  It’s a fact that lower income women have lower breastfeeding rates.

Supporting moms has always been important to me.  It’s why I’ve been a La Leche League Leader for so many years, and why I became an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.  It’s also why I have kept the #bfcafe chat on Twitter going.

How can we as a society help support more moms? How do we reach the moms who truly need support and how can we help these moms break down the social barriers that keep them from breastfeeding?  How do we help make sure no more babies are starving or failing to thrive because of a lack of food?

How can we join together to help moms breastfeed?

Are we setting moms up to fail?  I think some people ask out of a genuine curiosity.  And some people think it’s crazy that you’re STILL breastfeeding your 3 month old/6 month old/13 month old/2 yr old. Do all of these comments get to moms?  Do moms stop breastfeeding before they really WANT to because they feel pressure from others?

I was saddened when I saw this Today Show clip with Kourtney Kardashian.  She says, “I think I stopped early because my sisters were like ‘OK, it’s time, it’s time….I miss it, I loved it.”

Why do we let other people dictate our parenting decisions? At what point does society start to encourage moms to do what they feel is best for their baby instead of pressure them to make the baby grow up faster?  It all makes me so sad.

I’m thankful that Kourtney and Mason had the 14 months of breastfeeding that they did, it’s a great start in life.  I’m sad that all of us fall prey to the pressures of society and have motherhood regrets.

It’s time for us to surround ourselves with supportive people who will encourage us and build us up.

Where do you find your support and community to allow you to make the decisions you feel are best for your family?

There are many ways to find support today.  Many moms are turning to the internet and message boards, some moms are turning to Twitter, and some moms are choosing in person support meetings, like La Leche League or Breastfeeding USA.

I host the #bfcafe chat on Twitter on Thursday nights (10 PM Eastern), and our topic a few weeks back was support and where most moms find their support.  The answers were as varied as the moms participating, but the key was that everyone who was successful had support from somewhere.

So as a mom where do you find support?  How will you be successful? Who is your cheerleader?  Trust me, you’ll need one.

I joined my local LLL group when my oldest was a few weeks old.  I became a leader after she turned 1.  I also found support through message board with like minded moms.  Moms whose breastfeeding goals were similar to mine, and moms who had been successful at reaching those goals.  It is also very rewarding to be on the other side of that now.  I get to hang out on Twitter and encourage moms who are struggling with breastfeeding.  I can go back to the message boards that gave me support, and now I can offer support.  I also offer support to every mom I know who is breastfeeding.

I have turned my passion for supporting moms into my career.  I’ve spent time learning and educating myself, and I am anxiously awaiting my results from this years IBCLC exam.  My goal is to help as many moms be successful in meeting their breastfeeding goals as I can.  I sometimes have to sit back and remind myself that my goals are different from other moms’ goals, and that’s ok.  Everyone has different goals, and different ideals, and different circumstances.  In a perfect world all moms would find a support system.  A support system that would encourage them to meet their goals, to consider themselves successful, whatever that might look like for them.

Having in real life support is very valuable, and if you can find a group of like minded moms, who will support and encourage you to meet your goals, that is a great place to start.  Turning to the internet for support is also great, but it’s different.  There’s nothing like seeing another mom successfully breastfeed to help build your confidence.  So if you can, find moms and surround yourself with a good support network.

Where did you find support? Was your support what it should have been?  How can we help support you?  How can you help support other moms?

Today’s post is a part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop.  Click below to see what others have to say on the topic.

You can find the Annee Matthew Dress and Sonny & Reed Necklaces in our shop.

Ouch! Dealing With The Determined Biter

I can finally say that I’m back to enjoying breastfeeding my 15 month old daughter. You see, she had been biting me while nursing for the last few weeks. While I wasn’t considering weaning her, I was literally a little worried each time I sat down to nurse her.

I’m not new to breastfeeding. This baby is my 5th breastfed child. And I’ve dealt with biting before. In fact all of my babies have attempted it, once or twice. I even had another determined biter, my 2nd baby, who otherwise was the sweetest, most easygoing of my babies!

Biting can be a bit confounding. Why would baby want to … well, bite the boob that feeds her? Why would she want to inject pain into an otherwise beautiful relationship?

Here’s what I’ve learned about biting and how to bring it to an end, once and for all.

Figure out WHY baby bites

This requires some detective work on mom’s part. Biting is sometimes related to teething, or it’s just an experiment (hmm… what happens if I do this_?). While some say that biting has to do with low milk supply, I haven’t found this to be the case at all. I’ve nursed a few toddlers through pregnancies when my milk was almost nonexistent, and biting wasn’t an issue then. I think moms get this idea because biting almost always happens near the end of the nursing session.

With older babies, biting is often about getting mom’s attention. For me and my latest baby, this was definitely her motive. I had fallen into a trap of doing other things too often while nursing. And she missed me and wanted my attention! Once I figured this out, I started really loving her up and looking her in the eyes while we nursed. I didn’t have to do this every single time… I might go nuts if I didn’t read an occasional book or email while nursing! But as long as I spent a couple of minutes focusing on her at the beginning of a nursing, she would be happy and not attempt to bite.

An advantage of paying close attention is that you can see a bite before it happens! My son, mentioned earlier, would literally get a twinkle in his eye right before he clamped down. I learned to look for that look, and end the nursing session before he had a chance to make a chew toy out of me.

Some older babies are “done” but don’t know how to end the nursing, so they bite because they’re bored. If you suspect this, then be proactive and stop when you sense baby isn’t actively nursing. Technically, a baby can’t bite if they’re actively nursing, because they would bite through their own tongue. If baby is just “playing around”, end the nursing. Be ready with a finger to slip into baby’s mouth to break the suction and protect sensitive breast tissue.

Don’t stand for biting… but don’t overreact 

It’s only natural to jump or even shout when you’re bitten, especially the first time. But try not to let this happen often. Some babies will enjoy the show and bite just to see you react. Other more sensitive babies may be so shocked and hurt (if their bite was accidental) that they refuse to nurse for a time, called a “nursing strike” – which is no fun for mom or baby.

At the same time, don’t stand for biting either. At the breast, a baby is learning all about relationships. When you lovingly removed your newborn from your nipple when he latched on incorrectly, you were actually teaching him boundaries and discipline. You knew it was best for both of you for him to be latched on well, so you were unapologetic about repositioning him.

Now that your baby is older, don’t allow him to hurt you. If he bites once, tell him firmly “Ouch. That HURTS mama. Nurse gently please.” END THE NURSING immediately. You don’t have to do so in a punitive way, but it’s ok to be firm with a toddler or a determined biter.

The only thing that ended biting with my son was when I immediately removed him from the breast, placed him on the floor, and left the room for a moment or two. It only took two “mommy time outs” for him to get the message! And we went on to nurse happily for a couple more years.

Carrie is a mom of 6 who writes about natural family living, homeschooling and simplicity at http://www.naturalmomstalkradio.com/blog.

This week I cleaned out my closet.  I was shocked at the number of bags I actually own, and the lack of space to organize them.  The mess that I found was quite shocking and embarrassing.  I need a better system, and some way to keep track of all my bags!  I found this shower curtain ring trick on Pinterest and tried to make it work for my favorite purses and totes.  Unfortunately the bags were too heavy.  It probably would have worked if I REALLY had closet space, but I had put up a pressure rod to hold them, and it was too much.  I left it up, and a few of my favorites hang there, but there are a few more I’d like to put back up there.  Maybe I’ll try a heavier duty rod in the future.

When choosing a bag there are so many things to think about.  I spent months looking for the right gym bag.  A gym bag.  I know, it sounds silly.  I wanted something that would hold my clothes, my towel, my shower products, my shoes, my make up, and whatever hair products I would need that day.

I found, what I thought was, my IDEAL gym bag.  It was cute, it was a good size, it was a great color, and it zippered shut, so my stuff wouldn’t fall out of the top.  But unfortunately everyone else thought so too, and the bag sold out QUICK.  I was so disappointed.  So my husband surprised me with a great gym bag for my birthday.  It has a separate compartment for my shoes, it has a hook to hold my keys, a great pocket for my lock, and plenty of storage.  I do love it.

When I had my first, I was given this amazingly cute diaper bag.  I LOVED it, but it was SO big and had no real internal storage, so it was a total pain.  It’s so hard to find the right bag with the right features.  I always felt like a diaper bag was very important. I didn’t want to carry a purse AND a diaper bag, so the bag needed to do double duty for me. It also had to be cute.  I didn’t want to loose myself in the persona of mom.  I know I can be me AND mom.

I did some research on diaper bags and here are a few cute options I found:

Petunia Picklebottom’s Touring Tote

Coach’s Chelsea Diaper Bag

Skip Hop Tote in Champagne

I’m excited to see options that aren’t black and utilitarian.  Cute bags with great organization inside to help moms are a total mom must have in my book!

Do you have a bag you love?  Tell me about it!

When I was pregnant with my first daughter I had to wear a suit to work.  I still remember the awful shopping trip to the big huge mall where I searched in every maternity store and every suit store before walking out with one blazer that wasn’t awful and one that was almost tolerable, but would fit me for longer.  Not fun is an understatement.

So my maternity fall must have is a comfortable cardigan.  I found a few reasonable options first is a simple design from Croft & Barrow, there’s a slightly edgier Daisy Fuentes piece, and my favorite, which is from the UK, Evans Edge to Edge Cardigan.

A cardigan is flexible, like last weeks’ blazer.  It is also perfect for the growing midsection most pregnant women have.  It’s something you can purchase now and it will still work in a few months.  You can pair it with a skirt or pants, and if you buy a neutral color you can add some pop with your shirt.  Something like our Jenna Bubble Top would add a little zing and personality to the outfit.

The cardigan also comes in handy for those days when it’s cool outside and warm inside, you can easily take it off and put it back on as needed.  We all know how hormones mess with our body temperatures during pregnancy, you never know what you’ll need!

What is your go to piece for fall during pregnancy?

I used to be SO productive.  When my babies were little and I sat on the couch nursing them, with my laptop on my lap and a baby on my belly, I did so much work.  I would put them in my baby carrier du jour and nurse them while I did laundry vacuumed the house.

Then those babies grew into toddlers.  When my oldest was a toddler I went back to school.  I wrote papers and studied for exams while breastfeeding.  She was a study prop for my Anatomy & Physiology class.  It was like having a real life model.  I would hold her and play with her while quizzing myself on her muscles and bones.  Now that my second born is a toddler she sometimes lets me know that she is not interested in me multi-tasking while breastfeeding her.  I try to listen when she needs me and put down whatever else I was trying to do.

Multitasking is a way of life for me, but I have to be aware of my kids’ needs too.  I’m trying to set aside some of my need to be doing 8 things at once and work on focusing on one thing when the girls need me to.  Sometimes they just need me to cuddle them up in my lap and show them that they are far more important than any tasks on my list.  But sometimes they let me cuddle them and my laptop!

How do you handle multi-tasking and breastfeeding?

This post is a part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop, click below to check out what other people have to say on the topic!

To get your nursing bra at this amazing price, all you have to do is place your order before the sale is over.  To get your matching underwear, just let us know what style and size you would like in the gift message section of your order.  If you have a second choice should we not have your first choice, let us know, or we’ll choose it for you.

As always, please let me know if we can help with any sizing or style questions!